


Reasons For Defying Reason

by Thistlerose



Category: Voltron: Lion Voltron
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, M/M, Multi, Trope Bingo Round 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 13:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thistlerose/pseuds/Thistlerose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zarkon's been defeated, so Keith and Allura are now free to express their feelings for each other.  Lance, who's been secretly in love with both of them for a long time, wonders how he's going to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reasons For Defying Reason

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place just after the end of S1. Since I've never seen S2, I usually ignore it.
> 
> This is a fill for my "forbidden fruit" Trope Bingo square.

They stood together under the rose arbor in the burnished golden sunlight of late afternoon, looking like an illustration out of a book of fairy tales: the princess and her knight clasping hands, triumphant. 

Watching from the shadows of a _larica_ tree, Lance thought, _Well, all right, then. There you go. And now you know._ He’d come this way for a reason, but at the sight of Allura and Keith, he’d promptly forgotten what it had been.

Deep down, he knew – had always known, perhaps – that this was how things were going to end up. Despite everything he’d done, he’d never really had a chance with either of them. And they looked good together, Lance conceded grudgingly, crossing his arms over his chest, and hunching his shoulders against the smooth bark of the tree. You couldn’t deny it.

As Lance watched, Keith raised Allura’s hands to his lips and gently kissed them. She smiled and blushed; her long lashes, lit up by the sunlight, fanned her cheeks. To look at her now, you’d never guess she’d only recently led her people in an assault on Planet Doom. In that light, and under those pink flowers, she seemed young and innocent again, and altogether lovely. Though Lance couldn’t see Keith’s face, he imagined that his friend looked just as enraptured.

Wonderful.

Lance’s stomach hurt. If he was going to sulk, he knew that he should do it somewhere else, and let them have their privacy. But he lingered for a little while longer. There was something he had to see, he felt, before he gave up completely: a kiss, perhaps, or the sunset.

But while he watched, growing colder as the shadows that concealed him deepened, Keith and Allura only appeared to be speaking together in soft, low voices. Once they laughed, their heads flung back, the sunlight on their cheeks. And once Allura appeared to grow quite solemn; her lips folded in a pensive frown and when Keith opened his arms to her, she went to him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. Very pretty, Lance thought, but not the dramatic sign he was waiting for.

Even so, that was the point at which he decided he’d seen enough, that it was truly time to leave. The sun was considerably lower in the sky and the shadows had lengthened, falling like bars between him and the couple standing under the roses. The temperature had dropped as well and he was beginning to shiver.

So he unfolded his arms, shoved his hands deep into his pockets and began to walk away. Every few paces or so, he thought about stopping and looking back; but each time he did he felt a twinge, almost like a muscle spasm, just behind his right shoulder blade. He kept walking, and before long he’d left the garden far behind.

_Where to now?_ he wondered.

He didn’t feel like returning to the castle. Hunk and Pidge would be there, and they’d doubtless want to talk; if he told them that he didn’t feel like socializing, they’d tell Keith that something was up, and he didn’t want that. And, of course it would only rouse their suspicions more if he told them not to say a word to Keith.

If he _did_ tell them what was bothering him ... actually, they might understand, at least a little. They loved Allura too. Fiercely, selflessly. She was a sister to them, a companion-in-arms. They might not be _in_ love with her, as Lance was, but their love was no less than his.

They might even understand about Keith, not because they were into men – so far as he knew, they weren’t – but because they were good guys, good friends. They’d listen. They’d empathize. Hunk would probably even offer him a drink after Pidge had gone to bed.

What they wouldn’t get, what they wouldn’t _like_ was Lance’s jealousy. Or what they’d perceive as jealousy. It _wasn’t_ – not in the strictest sense, Lance told himself. He didn’t want to take anything _away_ from Keith or Allura. He didn’t want one or the other for himself. He wanted to _share_ in what they had. To be a part of it. That weird golden light that seemed to shine all around them sometimes – he wanted _in_ on that.

But he couldn’t ask that of them, not in a million years. He’d proposition Nanny first.

Because it would mess everything up: their happiness, the whole team dynamic. Neither of them would ever be able to look at him the same way again.

It wasn’t right.

He knew that.

Maybe it _was_ jealousy, he thought morosely as he walked, taking the path that curved away from the castle. 

_C’mon, man. Call it what it is. Don’t pretend to be all righteous._

Fine, he was jealous. He admitted it. Maybe not out loud, but so what? Who cared?

_So, now what?_

He could try to pretend that everything was the same as it had always been, and maybe, if he was lucky, he’d be able to get away with it. If he was _really_ lucky – something he’d never been in his entire life, but hey, a guy can dream – he might even manage to fool himself.

He entertained the idea for a few minutes, and in that scant breath of time, the future didn’t seem so bleak. Just keep on pretending. How hard could it be? People did it all the time. Hell, Keith and Allura had been doing it for months, and look at them...

He stopped.

“Wow,” he said. “Wow, I’m an idiot.” He laughed ruefully, shaking his head and rubbing at the space between his brows with the pads of his index and middle fingers. 

Because he’d never get away with it. _Look at Keith._ Good old, stoic Keith. He was probably the most self-disciplined person that Lance had ever met, and even he hadn’t been able to fool himself forever. You just _couldn’t_ , where Allura was concerned. The woman inspired honesty, and honor and chivalry, and all that other crap you read about in books of fairy tales.

Well, she did if you had even a glimmer of honor to begin with. And Lance wanted to believe – chose to believe – that he did.

What he ought to do, what an _honorable_ man would do, he thought, is leave. Just bow out gracefully, and not waste months, even years letting resentment simmer below the surface. Which it would, let’s be honest. He laughed again, now with bitterness, and let his hand fall to his side.

Leave.

Just pick up and go. 

Sure, he thought. Why not? Now would be the right time for it anyway: Zarkon was presumably dead; Galaxy Garrison had Lotor in custody; nobody knew what had happened to Haggar, but with Castle Doom destroyed it wasn’t like she was going to be whipping up any more robeasts anytime soon. Arus was at peace for the first time in a long time. It didn’t need Voltron.

Correction: it didn’t need _Lance._

Anyone could pilot one of the lions; it wasn’t that hard, didn’t require any kind of special skill. Corran, who wasn’t even a pilot, technically, had figured out how to fly Blue Lion that time Allura had gone off looking for the ghost of her father; he could probably fly Red until Galaxy Garrison came up with someone else. Maybe Keith’s cousin, Jeff, would end up with the job. That wouldn’t be so bad.

Right?

_Who am I kidding?_

At the mere thought of anyone else in Red’s cockpit, Lance’s throat closed up. Because Red was so much more than just a ship to him. Red was _his_. He didn’t honestly know how the other guys and Allura felt about their lions, deep down, but to Lance, Red was like ... his armor. No, more than that. Red was like a projection of something deep in his core – his soul, maybe, even though he wasn’t always sure he believed in souls – that kept him safe and made him stronger, bolder. He _talked_ to Red, and was half-convinced that Red understood him. He felt more at home in Red than any place he’d ever lived in his entire life. Even the childhood home he could now only barely remember.

Yes, all right: technically speaking, Red Lion, like Voltron itself, belonged to Arus, not Lance. It was part of the planet’s history, its mythology. 

Even so.

How the hell could he give that up?

The plain truth was, he couldn’t. Not in a million years.

But he had to, if he really loved Keith and Allura.

He stood where he was for a long time, and the evening shadows swarmed over him. By the time he realized he was not going to resume his walk, that he’d gone as far as he was going to go, it was full night. The air was cold, the sky dark as ink except for a few stars and the castle’s lighted windows. He was too far away to tell exactly whose windows they were, but it was easy enough to guess: the main control room, the kitchens, Hunk’s bedroom, Pidge’s bedroom, Nanny’s, Keith’s, Allura’s, Corran’s... 

If he waited long enough, he could watch their lights go out, one by one. And while he waited, he could try to guess whose light was whose, and make bets with himself over who’d go to sleep last. His money – so to speak – was on Pidge, who could spend all night poring over his science journals. Though if Keith and Allura were getting all lovey-dovey ... not that that was terribly likely, considering they were both under Nanny’s watchful eye...

_Stop it,_ he commanded himself. He’d been looking for a distraction, not a way to feel worse.

Someone’s light went out. Corran’s, he decided arbitrarily; he really had no way of knowing for sure. But the old man deserved a long night of deep, peaceful sleep after keeping watch over Arus for all those years, waiting for the princess to grow up and for Voltron to be reassembled. 

The thought made him smile, just slightly.

The next light to go out, he decided, was Hunk’s. The big guy slept like a rock; Lance imagined flopping into bed, his thick limbs splayed wide, the snores rumbling from his mouth mere minutes after his cheek touched the pillow.

Next, Keith. If he couldn’t be with the princess right away, it would be just like their fearless leader to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Lance pictured him lying on his back, his arm curled behind his head as he stared up at the dark ceiling. He’d probably relive that sweet scene out in the orchard a couple of times before slipping into dreaming.

Who did that leave? Allura, Nanny, Pidge, the servants... Oh, and the space mice. Though they kept such odd hours... Might as well throw Sven, Romelle, and Bandor into the mix too; Planet Pollux was up there, after all, glinting like another distant window in the vast night sky. So was Earth, though it was much too far away to see without a telescope. So was Lance's own home planet, or what the Druls had left of it.

He wasn’t altogether sure what he was doing. Trying to avoid making a decision, perhaps, or maybe just fighting to stay awake. If it was the latter, he failed; at same point a sort of half-sleep crept over him, and though he blinked and gave his body a few little shakes, he couldn’t bring himself fully awake.

He dreamed a bit. Nothing too surreal: he was walking through a forest, which he supposed was the one surrounding the castle, even though it looked nothing like it. Squat, leathery birds – things more at home on Planet Doom than Planet Arus – hopped from branch to branch, calling out hoarsely, _Uh-_ uh, _uh-_ uh. They had eyes like Haggar’s cat. If he was moving toward something, he had no idea what it was. He kept waiting for something to appear through the trees, but nothing did.

In the dream, he tripped over something, a rock or a root. In real life – well, who the hell knew? Suddenly he was falling and a pair of strong hands caught him by the shoulders, pushing him upright and holding him. “Lance, what are you doing out here?” said Keith, sounding anxious. “We’ve been looking for you. We were worried.” 

“M’okay,” Lance mumbled. He tried to focus his eyes on something, and settled for the flashlight clipped to Keith’s belt loop. The beam was turned down low, but it was enough to illuminate a patch of the path at his feet. “Just out for a stroll.”

Keith fixed him with a sharp look. “Are you all right?” He didn’t wait for a response. “You don’t look all right. Are you hurt?”

Lance shook his head.

“Are you sure? Can you walk?”

Lance tried to affect an air of nonchalance, but he could tell by Keith’s frown that it wasn’t quite working. “Was walking before, wasn’t I?” he said.

“Not really,” said Keith. He squinted into Lance’s face, probing, Lance supposed, for a sign of concussion. Or maybe a sign of supernatural possession. 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Lance insisted.

His belligerence seemed to satisfy Keith. Placate him, anyway. He moved back a step, though his hands never left Lance’s shoulders. “All right,” he said, “let’s go back to the castle.”

Lance’s knees locked. “I can’t.”

Keith gave him a quizzical frown. “Why not?”

“I just can’t.” He stared hard into the darkness over Keith’s shoulder. “Don’t make me say it, all right? Just trust me. It would be better if I didn’t go back. For all of us.”

“For all... Lance, what are _talking_ about? Come on. Level with me, man. That’s an order.” He gave Lance’s shoulders a firm shake, but still Lance wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“You don’t understand...”

“So talk to me. Tell me.”

“You—” Lance bit his lip.

“Can you tell someone else? Do you want me to get Corran, or Allura? Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“I’m sure. Don’t call anyone, Keith, please. Especially not Allura.”

Keith stared at him for what seemed like a long time. He still wouldn’t meet Keith’s eyes, but he felt their intensity. He felt flushed and chilled simultaneously, and he was pretty sure that Keith could feel him trembling through his leather jacket. _Be cool, be cool,_ he thought.

Finally, Keith’s hands dropped. “All right,” he said. “Something’s clearly wrong, but you don’t want to tell me what it is. I can’t throw you over my shoulder and haul you back to the castle. Well,” he went on, as if he were half-considering the idea, “I guess I _could_ ... but I’d rather not. Since you’re my friend – really, my _best_ friend – I’d rather trust you. I wish you trusted me.”

Damn him. Keith didn’t often say what he felt, but when he did, he managed to phrase it just right. And he was so _sincere._ That was what made him the leader. And, Lance supposed, what made Allura love him. It was what made Lance love him.

“Fine,” said Lance. Now that his arms were free, he felt a little more like himself. “Just try not to be mad, okay? I wasn’t spying. I didn’t even hear anything. I saw you with the princess, before. And it’s okay.” His voice rose on the last syllable, making him sound like an idiot adolescent. He swallowed once and inhaled deeply before going on. “I don’t mind. Well, fine, that’s a lie. I do mind – but I’m still happy for you. For both of you. It’s the way it should be. You guys are great together and I was stupid to think I had a chance. I mean, I know _you’d_ never... Or, I should’ve known. So I’m gonna go.” He jerked his thumb vaguely at the path.

“Go where?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Pollux. Bandor might need a hand. Sven might need me.”

“We need you.”

"C'mon, Keith. You know you're just saying it."

"No. I'm not." 

Lance jammed his hands into his pockets and stared helplessly up at the sky.

"Lance, I'm not just saying it. We need you. What the hell makes you think we don't?"

The swear word, minor as it was, jolted Lance. Keith, as a general rule, did not swear. Lance looked at him.

"I mean it," Keith said, moving a step closer, his hands open at his sides. "What makes you think we don't need you? If anything, we need you more than ever."

"But Arus is out of danger."

"For the moment," said Keith. "But who knows what might happen. Zarkon was never the only enemy, and we don't know what happened to Haggar. But now is the time when we should be rebuilding."

"So you need my help - what? Building houses?"

"I need your help building a normal _life._ Not that anything about this situation is normal by most people's standards."

"What situation?" Lance retorted, trying to mask his hurt with derision. "The space explorer and the princess? That's practically a cliche."

Keith's face darkened. He took another half-step forward, and then he was in Lance's personal space, and Lance could feel the heat radiating from him and the heavy knells of his heartbeat. Keith wasn't even a tiny fraction as cool and collected as he'd appeared - and that was Lance's last observation before Keith caught his wrists and jerked him close.

"I'm talking about the space explor _ers_ and the princess," he grated, his mouth an inch from Lance's. "You didn't hear what we said in the garden. You just made an assumption, and while it's understandable it's also wrong." He paused to suck in a breath, and then he said raggedly, "She wants us both. You _and_ me. And I … I don't mind."

Lance's mind reeled. This was the last thing he'd expected - but he clung to reason long enough to spit out, "You don't _mind_? Gee, how very--"

And then Keith kissed him. 

Mashed their lips together would be a better description; it was rough and awkward, and for a few seconds Lance was too stunned to react; he simply stood there, his legs cold as ice, his breath just _gone_. But then Keith let go of his wrists and placed one hand on his hip and the other on his cheek. And his hands were cold, but his mouth wasn't; and Lance felt his own lips parting, while his fists twisted in Keith's shirt. His chest heaved with a sob that he hoped Keith was too preoccupied to notice.

This was what he'd wanted, but he hadn't considered it even remotely in the realm of possibility. Keith wanted him. Allura wanted him. And they were both all right with it.

And right then he knew.

With a groan of disgust, he put his hands on Keith's chest and shoved him back. They both stumbled, but while Keith raised his eyebrows questioningly there was no surprise at all in his face. Lance spat on the ground. "Haggar," he muttered.

"What gave me away?" The voice was still Keith's, but the inflection was … off.

Lance swallowed his nausea. "Keith would never…"

"Aw, you don't know that. I'm sure he cares for you."

Lance shook his head. "Not like that. And even if he did, he wouldn't do it like that. He wouldn't try to speak for Allura."

"Well, it was worth a try." Keith's form blurred. A moment later, the witch Haggar stood in his place, her long dark cloak roiling around her like smoke, her eyes sharp and bright as knife blades. The flashlight became the glowing tip of her gnarled staff. "I sometimes wonder," she went on in her familiar mocking tone, "if things might have gone very differently if I'd gotten you instead of your friend, back in the beginning. Any one would do, I said, but I wonder…"

"What do you want, Haggar?" If he could keep her talking while he looked for a weapon…

"Oh, only to cause trouble," she said, with a dismissive wave of her clawed hand. "To see if I could break up the Voltron Force while their guard was down. My powers are weak right now, but they won't be forever, and if I could make things easy for myself further up the road…"

"Is that a warning?" said Lance. 

"Oh, yes." Her lips folded in a smile, but one sharp tooth stood out against her dark blue skin.

"Well, you failed. You accomplished _nothing._ " There was a fist-sized rock half-buried in the dirt just inches from his right foot. But in the time it would take him to dig it out, she'd be long gone. Or at his throat. Where _were_ his friends, anyway? he wondered wildly. _Shouldn't_ they be out looking for him?

"I don't know," Haggar mused thoughtfully. "I got a little taste, after all. That was worth the trouble of coming here. And I can't wait to see what happens when you run back to your friends. So, the princess finally made her choice and she didn't choose you. And neither did your handsome captain. I wonder what that will do to the famous team unity."

"Nothing! It won't change a thing!"

"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

Something in him snapped. With a cry he launched himself at her, any potential weapons forgotten. For a second, her tallow-colored eyes widened. Then she was gone and his fists swung wildly through empty air. He heard her laughter and spun around, half-expecting to find her behind him. But there was nothing there. Her laughter lingered for a few moments more, fluttering in the air above him like small, leathery wings.

Then everything was quiet except for his own heavy breathing.

~*~

An age went by before he was able to move and think. Slowly, seemingly one at a time, his muscles unclenched; he raised his head and opened his eyes.

Haggar.

Not only alive, as they'd suspected, but here on Arus. And bent on causing trouble.

Well, of course. What else would she be doing?

There was no way he could leave now.

The realization struck him like a punch to the gut and he almost doubled over. No, of course he couldn't leave. He'd been crazy to think that he could, even before Haggar turned up.

Crazy. And jealous and stupid.

He'd just have to face Keith and Allura and their perfect, beautiful togetherness. Oh, well. Some people were just lucky. Others were good at pretending.

He started back toward the castle. On the way, he ran into Hunk, who was out looking for him with a flashlight. "Boy, am I glad to see you," Hunk said, sounding indeed relieved. "Where were you? Are you okay? We've been looking all over. It was the weirdest thing. I swear, I know this area like the back of my hand, but for some reason, until just a few minutes ago, I felt like I was walking in circles. I'd better call the others, let them know I found you. We were starting to get worried, especially Keith."

Lance was grateful for the darkness, which concealed his small flinch. He waited while Hunk called up Keith on his wrist comm, squinting at him, watching intently for some sign of the witch. 

"Yeah, I don't know," Hunk was saying. "He doesn't seem hurt, anyway. We'll meet you back at the castle, okay?"

Lance didn't hear Keith's response. 

"Okay," Hunk muttered to himself as he turned off his wrist comm. Then he looked up at Lance. "Okay?"

It was just Hunk, Lance thought as a sudden feverish chill made his body tremble. Just good old Hunk, and not anyone else. It had to be, because he was too tired, too _drained_ to deal with it if he wasn't.

"Okay," he said.

5/1/2014


End file.
